The Sa-Matra - Xchagger Quotes

Moo.

Holy cow! It's an Ortog! An Ortog like the ones from my home planet of Unzervalt!

We're humans from Earth, of the League of Sentient Races. We come in peace. How may we classify you, fellow sentient?

Moo.

I remember you guys from when I was a kid on Unzervalt. You weren't sentient then.

When did you Ortogs learn to fly starships?

Moo.

I said, we are from the League of Sentient Races. What's your name, Ortog?

I can't believe it. You guys are sentient.

Since when can Ortogs fly ships?

Can you hear me? How did you guys learn to fly ships?

Hello?

When did Ortogs get sentient?

...

Uh, you guys are sentient, right? I mean, you are flying a starship.

Hello! Hello, Ortog!

Moo.

Can you say anything besides "Moo?"

Answer me!

...

Are you OK?

Moo

Moo.

Look! We need answers about this Xchagger plague!

...

Moo.

Uh, somehow I don't think you are any more intelligent than you were when I was a child drinking Ortog milk.

Moo.

Is this some weird Daktaklakpak joke?

...

Forget this. I'm outta here.

Attention, life-form of excessive structural complexity! Please be desisting from all further attempts at social intercourse with Xchagger regional headquarters number 3327.

Please instead be speaking to Xchaggers in person! Now usurping dominion of your craft's visual scanning resolution! Excessive magnification commencing! Vootie!

Hail, overly complexified one! Now that you have finally ceased trying to engage in ineffectual social intercourse with our colony transport system, let us now be entering into proper inter-transmission of shared concepts. Huk-o!

Uh, yeah. We are humans from Earth, of the League of Sentient Races. We come in peace. How may we classify you, fellow...er, sentient?

We be Xchaggers!

Heavy. Let's try it this way. WHAT are you guys?

Explain yourselves.

You've got to be kidding.

We be microbe agglomeration units! Each microbe not be intelligent. Together, microbes be greatly sentient! Xchaggers not be sentient in ways of any other creature! Unique!

Is your entire race completely microscopic?

If the optics involved be the low resolution optics of your own species, then the answer be YES! Microscopic! Howsoever, to our own, high-granularity optical sensors, we be, of course, FULLY 'scopic!

We didn't know there was a lot of microbe intelligence in the galaxy.

Are there other microbe intelligences we should know about?

We be the only ones we know of.

Uh... are you, ah... living on that Ortog?

It be our colony transport system, Xchagger regional headquarters number 3327.

That's weird. But not very important, I suppose.

The important thing be Xchaggers! Agglomeration units of great sentience!

But that's an Ortog! From my home planet of Unzervalt! How did you get it?

Actually, it be a Gund-cow from Xchag. But we be understanding your consternation. The Gund-cow herd beast be quite common. It be evolving on three planets in our Zosma system alone.

I knew they were common in our home quadrant, but how could they have gotten to the Kessarri Quadrant. It's uncanny!

So be microscopic life-forms with sentience through a hive-mind consciousness.

We never did figure out how they spread throughout space back home.

Gund-cows be everywhere. Even Daktaklakpak be recognizing it as from Crux quadrant.

Someone must have brought that Ortog here.

OK, but that seems awfully strange.

Xchagger not be arguing the matter! Xchaggers and League be have more important discussions! About mighty Xchaggers!

It's largely irrelevant, anyway.

The relevant thing be Xchaggers! Agglomeration units of great sentience!

If you are not sentient in the way we are, in what way ARE you sentient?

In great way! We be sentient in such different way that all other species must be different to even comprehend us!

Don't you think it's far-fetched to believe that a collection of microscopic cells could form an intelligence?

Well what you be then? You be a collection of microscopic cells that all got together to make intelligence. You just not be know it.

Oh yeah. Good point.

You guys are a far cry from a human being.

Your form of sentient life is new to us.

Well, you're talking. You must be sentient.

You be not first of overly-complexified aggregate cellular beings to disbelieve Xchagger intelligence.

Who else has?

I'm not surprised.

Crux races be laugh at us. Crux be say none of us for them!

Oh, so you've met the intergalactic thug squad.

What did they say?

Daktaklakpak be saying Xchagger race be not detecting as intelligent with Precursor sentient-race finder device. Daktaklakpak be saying Xchagger be no emanation-relation to Precursor, as all other races be.

Daktaklakpak be saying Xchagger be fall too far from Precursor tree. Be saying no connection, be no join up! So, evil Daktaklakpak be destroy all Xchagger Exclave ships except this one, which they keep for study.

Why do the Crux care about a race's connection to the Precursors?

Precursors? What do you know about Precursors?

Daktaklakpak be say only Precursor emanation-relations have intelligence. Daktaklakpak say Xchaggers not constitute intelligent mind, since each separate Xchagger unit be dumb as lump of cheese.

They called you a lump of cheese?

That doesn't sound very logical of the old Daktaklakpak.

Translation problem. Be now pause for calibration repausing process. Blimey! Repausing be yet commenced to finish? Significant! Re-explanation forthcoming: Not cheese, but cheesification process.

Daktaklakpak be compare uni-cellular Xchagger mind units with active cultures in foodstuffs.

Bacteria?

Germs?

Viruses?

Huh?

Mold.

Ah. Well, you seem to me to be much more intelligent than MOLD.

We be negifying the Daktaklakpak assertion! We be disproving their dissertation. Xchaggers be intellectified as any overly complexified race!

Well, you guys are sentient enough for us. Want to join the League of Sentient Races?

We be answering YES! Hearty! We be thinking you'd be never asking! Vootie!

Why not?

Of course we'd ask.

After be insulted by Crux, Xchaggers be thinking bleakly of ALL overly-complexified beings of aggregate specialized cellular structure. Xchaggers be thinking all overly-complexified beings be doubting us.

But brave be Xchaggers! Mighty be Xchaggers! Small be our resolution, but large be our resolve!

Well you sold me. You're in.

Hooka hooka!

So how many ships you guys got? How large is your fleet?

You be looking at it.

That's it? One ship? When will you have more?

Xchagger be needing many resources to build fleet!

We don't have a lot of resources to spare.

Xchaggers be hope to be worthy of all resources given to collective!

Oh, man. Well, we'll just have to help you make some more ships.

We'll just have to help you make some more ships.

We'll give you want we can spare.

We be hoping to prove Xchaggers worthy of your trust.

You and us both.

It's a big, bad universe out there, so you'll have to help us make the resources we invest in you pay off.

Yeah, well, we're desperate.

Xchaggers be grateful! Xchaggers be celebrating! Zingo! Xchaggers be previously fearing that current Xchagger agglomeration be the last. We be thanking you for all your kindnesses!

We be needing the evil Daktaklakpak be broken from our other planets in Zosma! We be needing resources. You can be taking us to other planets to colonize!

We be giving you many ships with brave crew! We be happy to kill Crux for you!

I see their point. You guys are about as smart as a stinky piece of coagulated protein.

Well, you guys are a buncha curds. Heh, heh.

You be wicked as Crux!

What do you know about an Xchagger plague?

Xchaggers not be help anyone make plague! Friendly be Xchaggers!

The Daktaklakpak made a Plague from you Xchaggers, and made the Harika and Yorn very sick.

Xchaggers not be plague!

We'd like to examine you guys to find out.

Xchaggers be agree for League to examine Xchaggers.

Good. We'll send a tech team.

Tell us about your race.

We be enjoying telling all about Xchaggers!

Tell us about your history.

Xchaggers be evolve on Zosma 6. Be happy. Be FLOURISHING! Be build giant hives, be stretch across continents. Hive pillars be reach into heavens. Hive thermal energy shafts be reach deep into crust.

Be find great buried Precursor artifacts. Be build great Exclave ships. Be fly to stars to look and see.

How far did you explore?

Xchaggers be just begin to explore near stars when Ska-Blango! HyperSpace be stop working. We be STUCK! Then be evil Daktaklakpak! And K'tang! Evil Crux!

What did the Crux do?

Evil Crux be come and be destroy Xchagger Exclave ships! They say they be destroy or recruit helpless stranded races. We be say, recruit, please. We be say, visit stars, please.

Daktaklakpak be say, Xchaggers not be intelligent race. So, Daktaklakpak take away most of us for evil study. Now most of race be gone! Lost Dynasties be gone!

What's this about the Daktaklakpak taking away Xchaggers?

The Daktaklakpak be take away trillions of trillions of Xchagger microbe units for be experimenting! Evil! Evil! Mournful for Lost Dynasties of Xchaggers!

Tell us about these Lost Dynasties.

Orko! Now to be describing the Lost Dynasties of the Xchaggers! Xchagger fleets be gone. Be missing in large amounts. Gone thousands of generations ago.

Let me guess. They disappeared millennia ago in a great galactic catastrophe.

No. Be gone a few years ago your time. But to us, that be thousands of generations ago.

When was that in OUR time?

Be a few years ago your time. To us, that be thousands of generations ago.

A few years is thousands of generations ago? You guys live no more than a day or so?

Are you about to croak?

No. New generation be born every few minutes. But not be die. Unless an individual Xchagger be killed, she be living forever. But Lost Dynasties be maybe dead!

Be not living forever maybe! Xchaggers remaining be only a tiny fraction of our full race. We be just a little bit that the Daktaklakpak be allow to live for maybe more experiments.

We'll help you get these Lost Dynasties back.

We'll help you find your Lost Dynasties.

Vootie! Xchaggers be happy! We be thanking the overly complexified League Captain! Hoo-kah! Lost Dynasties be still alive, maybe. Entire Xchagger Agglomeration not be living if Lost Dynasties be dead, maybe.

Now back to the Xchagger history.

What happened after the Lost Dynasties were gone?

What happened after the Lost Dynasties?

Lost Dynasties be make Xchaggers weak. Then the Crux stay to be prevent Xchaggers from be strong. Then, be the League of Sentient Races! League be say Xchaggers be intelligent!

League be say Xchaggers be join and fight Crux! Xchaggers be ready for fight! That be the whole Xchagger history!

I have other questions about your race.

I have some other questions about your race.

We be enjoying telling answers to the League!

Tell us about your ship.

Xchagger Exclaves be mighty! Exclaves be big hives! Xchaggers be secreting pulpy fibrillose matter that be hardens into a rigid outer integument.

Strong be integument! Be survive rigors of vacuum and frigid cold! Repairs be quick! We be quickly fill energy with copious Xchagger work!

Wait a minute! You built a starship engine out of a bunch of organic droppings?

Bazz fazz! Be digging into Zosma 6 and be finding ancient technology of Precursors. Be incorporate into giant hives! Giant hives be fly! Then giant hives be go to other stars!

Until HyperSpace be stop working. Then Crux be come and be destroy all Xchagger ships except this one. Grrr!

What about weapons?

We be use dual front-mount, multiple-particle ejection systems! We be use rear-mount missile to confuse opponent control systems! Be give them the staggers and jags! Huk-O!

Tell us about your unique form of life.

Xchaggers be collective intelligence hive mind. Xchagger units be reproduce by fission! New generation be born every few minutes. Old generation not be die unless individual Xchagger unit be killed.

Xchagger unit can be living forever. Original, first Xchagger may be actually still alive. However, Xchagger agglomeration does rapidly change the Xchagger speaking persona.

What do you mean by changing the speaking persona?

The Xchagger speaking persona be called Discussant. Discussant you be speaking with a minute ago be just now replaced by a new Discussant; ME!

In fact, original Discussant be replaced by seventeen other Discussants just since we be conversing. Be noting that new Discussant enters now.

Why do you keep changing Discussants?

These Discussant changes be not because of death or weariness or boredom. We be enjoy changing jobs quickly. But Discussant not be leaving due to death.

This be the last Discussant change to be announced.

I have questions on another subject.

What do you know about the Eternal Ones?

We have never to have been hearing about that.

So long, Xchaggers!

We have to go now. We'll keep an eye on your colonizing.

Be you faring well, kindly, complexified Captain!

Be going away, overly complexified one!

Goodbye, moronic microbes!

Wait! We want to talk to you.

No! You be wicked like Crux!

If you're going to be that way, we'll leave.

OK, OK. You guys are sentient. OK?

Look, you guys can talk. You clearly must be sentient. OK?

Hail, overly-complexified one!

We decided you guys count as sentient.

We decided you guys are not sentient.

You be wicked like Crux!

We haven't made up our minds yet. See you later.

Hail, kindly, complexified Captain! Xchaggers be relieved to be in League. We be thanking you for all your kindnesses!

Our tech team has determined you Xchaggers would indeed make the Harika comatose.

Xchaggers be sorrowful for such things. Be thanks for Captain! Be time to rescue Lost Dynasties!

We have no way to rescue the Xchaggers.

Bazz Faz! Be keep looking!

Don't thank us so fast. To cure the Harika, we have to kill the Lost Dynasties with an Xchagger Eradicator.

We will. We have found a cure for the Harika, but it means killing the Lost Dynasties with an Xchagger Eradicator.

Never! We be rejecting killing Xchaggers! No one can be knowing if entire Xchagger Agglomeration even can be surviving with so many units dead!

I thought you'd say that. We won't kill them.

We won't do it. We'll keep looking for another solution.

Foosh!! Relief! Be kill Harika and get back Xchaggers. Xchaggers be friends!

We won't kill the Harika either.

We're looking into all options.

We be trust Captain. Vootie!

We have to do it.

We be quit League! Be going away!

Er, that's all we know on that subject.

We be quit! Be going away, overly complexified one!

OK. Bye.

We want to talk. We won't kill the Lost Dynasties. OK?

We be agreeing. Xchaggers be rejoining the League.

We be quit, evil, overly complexified one!

We want to talk. We're sorry we killed the Lost Dynasties.

Never! We be kill you!

We want you to rejoin.

We be NEVER rejoin!

Xchaggers be quit League now!

We're sorry we killed the Lost Dynasties.

Please stay in the League. We needed to do it to pull the Harika away from the Crux!

To save the Harika and the Lost Dynasties we need some massive containers with an Xchagger life-support system.

We be happy! We be providing Xchagger Ship Hives! Ship Hives be empty colony structures needing new Xchaggers! Please be bring us our Lost Dynasties!

Xchaggers be free! Freee- Who be you?

I'm a human from Earth, of the League of Sentient Races. We come in peace.

Xchaggers be out of hostile host! Xchaggers be back in FRIENDLY host! Be happy! Be pausing...Xchaggers be now scry a faint feeling!

Vootie! Xchaggers now be scry whole Xchagger agglomeration! We be making joyful greeting clamor!

That's great.

We just saved you, Lost Dynasty Xchagger, old pal!

Xchagger Hive Mind be say that Human from Earth rescued Xchaggers! Xchaggers grateful forever!

Excellent. Now let's pay back those Crux that enslaved you and poisoned the Harika!

We absorbed the Lost Dynasties from the Harika! The Lost Dynasties are back!

Celebration! Captain be the greatest of all Captains! We now be build many ships for the Captain! Xchaggers STRONG!

We be agree!

We need to do micro-surgery on the Mmrnmhrm Mother Ark Control Unit! Can you do it?

We be do it! Be sending the Mmrnmhrm Mother Ark Control Unit. Xchaggers be perform all micro-surgery needed! Xchaggers be best at being micro!

Here is the Mmrnmhrm Mother Ark Control Unit.

Xchaggers be work quickly!

We be finished with micro-surgery on Mmrnmhrm Mother Ark Control Units! They be repaired! Base Mmrnmhrm functions be responding now!

Thanks guys! Great job.

We be glad to be helping!

Xchaggers! We need an Ortog! Can we have one?

We be excited to be helping the great Captain! Vootie! Here be an Ortog!

Hey, Xchaggers! We have created a way to feed the Eternal Ones without harming anyone! Would you like to donate some sentience energy?

Be Xchagger sentience good enough?

Yep. It's good. Thanks, guys.

Vootie! This be proof of sentience! No more be say Xchaggers be dumb as cheese! Or mold! Now Xchaggers be proving intelligence!

You bet. See ya.

Be win, human! Win!

Let's find out.

We be say OK!

We be kill you!