The Sa-Matra - Ploxis Quotes

Greetings, leedle Erfling. I am Plexor, Chief Executions Officer for zee great Crux empire. My ship is zee Plaxus-Prime, a Precursor wessel like your own. Only beeger and better. Well, well. Eet looks like zee war eez going badly for zee leedle League.

What do you want, you vicious, murderin' swine?

And I love you too, leedle Erfling. You know, I've had my eye on you for some time now, Yu-mon. I admire zee way you control you empire.

Hey, thanks.

You most welcome, leedle Erfling. We Ploxis are not so beeg zat we cannot offer praise at anozzer well-run dictatorship. Even eef eet eez a RIVAL dictatorship, no?

That was sarcasm, you brilliant, tender-hearted, handsome creature, you!

I am aware of zat, Yu-mon. But what is abzurd today, well, tomorrow eet shall be zee thruth. You know you LOVE being zee dictator.

I like the way you control yours, too.

Zank you for saying so, leedle Erfling. We dictators got to stick togezzer, in our cozy leedle mutual admiration society.

That was sarcasm, you brilliant, tender-hearted, handsome creature, you!

I am aware of zat, Yu-mon. But what is absurd today, well, tomorrow eet shall be seen to be zee truz. You know zat you LOVE being zee dictator. You DICTATE everyzing zat happen, no? You have zee beeg gons, no? What you say GO, no?

The League has elected me to make the final judgments about things, yes.

Chust like zee dictator, no?

Yes! What, you think you not a dictatorship? Haw, haw! You ARE zee dictator. You DICTATE everyzing zat happen, no? You have zee beeg gons, no? What you say GO, no?

This war ain't over till it's over. I've still got a few surprises.

Oh, yes, we know zat. We know everyzing about you. We've had our eye on you for some time now, Yu-mon. We admire zee way you control you empire.

The feeling is NOT mutual.

Oh, you break my heart. I know, I know. You zink you zee nice guy, and you zink of me as zee tyrant, no? Zee beeg dictator, no? Well, you zee beeg dictator, too. Or are you only zee LEEDLE dictator?

Hey! I'm a BIG dictator.

Yes, you zee beeg dictator. Beeg, small, why queeble? Zee eemportant zing eez zat you ARE zee dictator, no? You DICTATE everyzing zat happen, no? You have zee beeg gons, no? What you say GO, no?

If they wanted me out, they would just say so, and I would go.

We have very clear League rules, and if I violate them, I'm out.

Hee, hee, hee! You really believe zat? Ah, boy, you NAIVE! Zee League does not try to challenge you, because zey know you can pulverize zem!

Get to the point, Ploxis! What are your terms?

Very direct! Very een-control! I like zat. You know, I've had my eye on you for some time now, Yu-mon. I admire zee way you control you empire.

You wanna step outta that ship and say that?

My Precursor ship can kick your Precursor ship's butt!

I demand you surrender now or die!

So violent. So blood zirsty. I like zat. I've had my eye on you for some time now, Yu-mon. I admire zee way you control your empire.

I don't control it. It's not some two-bit dictatorship, Ratzo.

No. Is EXPENSIVE dictatorship. And you zee dictator, no? You have zee beeg gons, no? What you say GO, no?

It's not an empire. It's a League of Sentient Races. A League of FREE Sentient Races.

Sure, sure. Free. Sure, it's free. Heh. FREE? How eez eet FREE? You zee DICTATOR of zee "free" sentients.

The sentient races in the League ARE free, and no one rules them.

Aw, haw, haw! You expect me to believe zat? Haw, haw! Zey are NOT free as long as you have zee BEEG GONS, no?

I'm NOT a dictator.

I'm not a dictator at all, you mass-murdering thug!

It's not a dictatorship! We freely elect our leaders!

Wait a minute! You may admire the way I respect the rights of all sentients to freedom and self-government. I don't do anything like a dictator.

Aw, haw, haw! You expect me to believe zat? Haw, haw! But you ARE zee dictator. You DICTATE everyzing zat happen, no? You have zee beeg gons, no? What you say GO, no?

Well, yes, but....It's just different, OK?

Yes, yes. I'm sure eet eez so very deefferent, leedle Erfling. You rule by fear, I rule by fear. You out-gon your allies, I out-gon my allies!

OK, you have a point.

Now, you start to truly see! Take you ozzer League members. If zey no like you judgments, how zey gonna throw you out, eh? Attack you Precursor vessel? Heh, heh, heh! Eet weel not happen!

OK, I'm a dictator. But I'm a popular dictator. Are you?

I do not want to have zee FRIENDS and play zee tea party!

Eet eez far better to have zem FEAR me zen to LOVE me! Zee Daktaklakpak and zee K'tang weel never ZINK of attacking me as long as I have zee Precursor wessel!

Zee League does not try to challenge YOU, because zey know you can pulverize zem!

No!

No? NO? Zee leader of zee entire League eez not especially articulate. You may not ZINK you are zee dictator, but to zose you rule by fear, you are zee dictator!

I DON'T rule the League by fear.

The League knows I'll be fair and just in my decisions.

Oh, and if ze League no like you judgments, how zey gonna zrow you out, eh? Attack you Precursor wessel? Heh, heh, heh. We like you style, boy. But we wonder about you smarts.

I'm not a dictator.

Oh, you keep saying eet over and over again, hoping you soon start to believe eet. No, you say, I'm not a dictator, weez you leedle lower lip trembling weez zee defiance of zee scolded child.

But you cannot keep zee truz out of your ears! Zee League does not try to challenge you, because zey know you can pulverize zem!

I demand you surrender or die!

You starting to bust my buttons, Yu-mon! Are you such a simple clot-pole zat you cannot negotiate for zee peace?

OK. OK. Let's negotiate.

Zat eez better. Zat shows zee shrewd calculations of zee sentient being zat I have been observing. As I was saying, I admire zee way you control you empire.

Enough small-talk. What's this all about?

Get to the point.

What's you rush, eh? You gotta go? Go. No one eez forcing you to listen to Plexor. But you weel listen, eef you know what is good for you League. And all of zose leedle innocent sentients zat you care so much about.

So zee League chust give you lots of zee GRIEF! Why you listen to zem leedle whiners? Zem pazetic little Pkunk. Zem manipulative Syreen! Zem bizarre leedle Orz! Zem grunting Ur-Quan brutes!

All zose races screaming to you for more planets! Why you listen to zat filth? You could put zem all in zey place so quick.

That's not how we do things in the FREE sector of space, bub.

You watch your mouth about my allies!

We have IDEALS in the League.

Look, you a nice boy, but you naive!

Yeah, I've been sorely tempted.

I know zat temptation well. And geeving een is so SATISFYING! Give in to zat temptation! Join weez me!

That's mighty big of you, Plexor.

Hey, thanks. Thanks a lot. I mean that. Like, from the heart.

Hey, thanks. Thanks a lot. I mean that. Like, from the heart, and everything.

You most welcome! You look out you Precursor wessel, and what do you see? Half zee stars of zee Kessarri quadrant under you command.

I look out my Precursor wessel, and what do I see? Zee OZZER half of zee stars under MY command.

You and me, we zee two most powerful beings in zee Quadrant! You as leader of zee League and me as supreme leader of all zee Crux.

I said, get to the point.

Boy, you don't waste zee time enjoying you life, do you? So, you want zee point? You get zee point. See how much you like it once you get it.

I thought this was the point where you got to the point.

You starting to bust my buttons, boy! Here is zee point. We should join togezzer!

OK. Sorry to rush you.

Tell me more

What Join with you? Never! ?

Look, you and me, we zee two most powerful beings in zee Quadrant, eh? You as leader of you charming leedle League and me as supreme leader of all zee Crux.

Seems like everybody's leader of the Crux these days.

You're El Supremo, eh? What do your allies think about your sudden promotion?

Gee, do the K'tang and the Daktaklakpak know that you've usurped them in the Crux Triumvirate?

Bah! Zose toadies! I put up with zeir posturing to soothe zey egos, but eet eez MY masterful manipulation of zee Doogs zat provides zee BACKBONE of our entire empire!

Chust as YOU are zee backbone of you empire! Zose bumpkins would be lost weezout you! We should join togezzer!

I'm not so sure you're in my league as a leader. How is it you rule the Crux if your allies don't know it?

How would this alliance work?

Secretly. Quietly.

I like the sound of that. I agree!

What? Never in billion years!

Don't be too hasty.

How would that alliance work, exactly?

We would fuse zee League and Crux into one unbeatable force. Don't worry about details about how zee groups would join. We can force zem to work togezzer.

Your allies are lost weezout you, chust as my allies are lost weezout zee Ploxis!

Hmmm... I'm not sure. Why should I?

Zink about zis, Erfling. Imagine where zee K'tang would be weezout my leedle Doogies. Anozzer bunch of tin-plated petty tyrants weez delusions of competence!

And zee Daktaklakpak? Do you SERIOUSLY zink either race could have conquered anyzing, let alone half zee quadrant?

Sure. Why not?

Why couldn't they succeed without you?

Zee K'tang are notoriously lazy! Zey do not keep up zee infrastructure necessary to build a galactic empire, because zey only get all juiced up when zey are embroiled in rampant violence.

Zey have zee appetite for conquest, but not for control!

And you do, huh?

Zat eez right! Zee Ploxis evolved for control, but zee K'tang! Haw, haw, haw! Ze K'tang cannot ZINK past zee next fight!

Why are the K'tang like that?

Zee K'tang evolved zat way, on zeir volcanic war-world, back in our home quadrant. Zey were nozzink when we found zem! Zey had conquered nozzink more zan a few systems.

By trying to subjugate everyone and everyzing, zey made enemies of every race in zee entire sector. Zey were fighting a losing battle on a five-front war when zee Ploxis met zem.

Zey had pazetic supply lines because eet ees beneaz zeir warrior's DIGNITY to perform zee grunt work of maintaining zeir own colonies. Zey were headed for zee beeg, embarrassing defeat.

Zee neighbor races, zey got juiced up to celebrate zee fall of zee local bully. And zat would have been zee end of zee K'tang, except WE intervened.

We saw potential in zee beeg bullies, and knew how to manipulate zem to our uses. We gave zem zee supply lines and logistics zey lacked, and zey won.

To placate zeir gargantuan leedle egos, we pretend zey are full partner in zee Crux. But zey are no more zan my strong right arm, chust as zee Daks are my smart, um, left brain.

Hey, I have a good idea. Tell me more secrets that I can use against you later.

Ahem. Yes. I must be more careful in my speech. UNTIL you join weez me, zat eez! Zen I can tell you ALL zee secrets!

OK, how do you manipulate the Daktaklakpak?

Zee Daktaklakpak are utterly predictable! All I have to do eez tell zem zat I am seeking Precursor treasure in zee most efficient manner possible, and zey stay loyal forever!

Zey can easily calculate how many more artifacts zey can extract weez K'tang fire-power and Doog slave-labor zan zey can on zeir own! Or allied weez you!

In return for my cooperation, I get zeir research expertise. Zee more ruthless I am, zee more zey appreciate my methods!

Zey don't understand how subservient zey are to me, or how I enjoy zeir suffering when I weezhold resources from zem to keep zem subservient.

Come on. The Daks are too brilliant to be manipulated.

Haw hoo hoo ho! Eet eez zeir SMARTS zat makes zem so manipulable!

Aren't you afraid they'll catch on and nuke you?

Even eef zey knew, zey would calculate zat zey get a better bargain weez us zen weezout us.

What if they catch on and withhold some valuable goodies from you?

Er, zey would never do zat! Zat eez not zee eefficient way to work.

Don't be so sure...

What if they are just using you until they, let's see, decide to wipe out all non-cybernetic lifeforms?

I...uh...er... well now, I... er... Well, zat's NOT possible! Zey would NEVER...Er... Do you know somezing?

Yes! Even now they plot to assassinate you at their earliest possible convenience! Yeah, that's the ticket!

I say nozzink!

It'll cost ya to find out, rat-face!

Where eez you proof?

OK, I admit it. I'm only yanking yer chain. Had you going there, didn't I?

No! Heh, heh, heh. You have zee makings of a BEEG dictator! So, do you weesh to join?

Not tellin'. You'll just have to wonder.

You zee most devious, zee most ruthless, zee most cold blooded sentient! I see zat I have made zee right choice in allying weez you. So, shall we now join zee forces?

What resources are you withholding from the Dak? Precursor relics?

Ahh, but you weel chust have to wait to find out until you join weez me.

OK. I'll join you.

Ah, yer making it up.

Oh, yeah? And how do you do that?

Ah, but zat would be telling. Now, I zay again: join weez zee Crux, and we shall conquer togezzer!

OK, you convinced me.

How interesting. So how do you manipulate the Doogs?

I guess so. So how do you manipulate the Doogs?

Slow down. What's your rush? You haven't finished telling me about your masterful manipulations. How about them Doogs?

Not so fast. I still haven't heard how you manipulate the Doogs.

What about zee Doogs, I mean, the Doogs?

Zee DOOGS are zee reason zee Crux controls so much territory, and zee PLOXIS are zee reason zee Doogs behave.

Not so fast. What about the Doogs?

Very well. I shall tell you.

How brilliant. I wonder how one could ever accomplish such a thing?

Zee K'tang and zee Daktaklakpak both continually need zee Doog colonies to produce materials for zem. But only I control zee Doog production.

When I weesh to punish zee K'tang, I hold back Doog resources from zem. Maybe send more to zee Daktaklakpak. When I weesh to punish zee Daktaklakpak, I weezhold resources from zem.

When zey do as I say, zey get zee resources zey need. Over time zey have learned to do my bidding while still zinking of zemselves as equal partners.

You're sick! You think this induces me to join you? It makes me want to pulverize you on the spot!!

Sounds like inefficient colony management to me!

AHA! And ZAT is where you FAIL, leedle Yu-mon. You can only see zee very small picture. Zee mere macro economics. But I see za MEGA economics.

Does that actually work?

You can only zink of how you leedle League, you plucky band of FREE (cough-yecchhh) sentients would react to such tactics.

But my system eez zee very SOUL of efficiency.

How, uh, interesting.

Using resources as reward and punishment to provoke servitude and humiliation is zee most ancient lesson in zee universe.

What a load of Doog-dung.

On zee contrary, my leedle ally.

You got a point there.

But, of course!

I must politely disagree.

What a load of crap!

Admeet eet!

You get JUICED knowing zat ozzers are beneaz you. You get zee beeg ZRILL when zey are forced to ADMIT zey are beneaz you!

Oh, of course, zey may not openly SAY zey are groveling, but ZEY know eet, and YOU know eet. And zey KNOW you know eet. And you enjoy zere debasement as much as old Plexor enjoys debasing HEES allies!

Well, kinda. Maybe.

But, of course!

I guess you are right.

When I see my allies change zeir behavior to curry my favor, I know zey are bowing to me. I laugh when I see zee squadron of an obstinate K'tang warlord beaten by you League forces because I refused to reinforce zem!

And I cackle weez glee when I see zee squadron of a properly obeisant warlord succeed because I reinforced his ships eenstead! Ha, ha! I make zem not only bend zee knee to me, I make zem compete for zee privilege! Hee, hee, hee!

Zey fight to abase zemselves zee most! And zey don't have time to rise up to fight weez me for power, because zey are too busy holding each ozzer down!

Except zee lowest among zem, who have none but zee Doogs to bully! Heh, heh. It's perfect! Zeir suffering eeze exquisite! And don't claim zat you don't relish eet, too! You chust like me!

That's pretty thoroughly sick.

Whatever you say, my leedle compatriot.

I am very different from you, Ratty. I don't enjoy such suffering.

Oh, yes, you do!

I'm serious about treating all sentients as equal.

Oh, you are not!

I don't play games with lives and resources.

But zee truz eez zat you do zees, too. Can you honestly tell me zat you have parceled out all resources evenly, or worse (ptui!) by NEED?

OK, you have a point.

But of course! Can you honestly tell me zat you have parceled out all resources evenly, or worse (ptui!) by NEED?

Well, maybe not EXACTLY evenly...

None of your damn business!

OK, no.

Ahhhhhhhhhh..... So, now you see.

Yes! I have!

LIAR!

I am completely honest!

Honest? Honest? (Ptui!) Why be honest?

I may not be completely even, but I am FAIR.

Fair? Fair? (Ptui!) Why be fair?

You know damn well zat zee pazetic bottom-feeder Spazzi are not your equal! You know zat you are more evolved zen zee eediotic, saprophytic Mycon!

You know zat ze rest of zee races are nowhere near you, or ZEY would be in your seat now!

But YOU were able to build and fly zee Precursor wessel, and not ZEM! Zey're losers! Admeet eet!

OK, you're right. They're all pretty pathetic. But I like them.

NOW we are getting somewhere! Yes.

Hey, we all may develop differently, but sentients are sentients.

They deserve to be treated as equals.

Hey, bud, We hold this truth to be self-evident: all Sentients are equally worthy!

Very noble. I may vomit. (Glarph) Zose are very preedy leedle words. But zee reality is very deefferent!

You KNOW zat you better zen you allies. Zat is why you look so hard for you Precursor potential! You KNOW zat you are better.

You secretly enjoy keeping your "equals" beneaz your boot, and zey fight twice as hard to find someone else to keep beneaz ZEIR boot. Know what I mean?

Sure. I just think you're dead wrong.

Am I? Zink about it.

Frankly, I have no idea what you mean.

I zink you do. I zink you know zee zrill a lot more zan zose ozzer "Sentient Races" of yours!

I'd have to honestly say I do get a secret thrill from it.

But of course!

Take you ship, for example. You know you get a ZRILL by flying zat Precursor wessel, but zee part zat JUICES you eez knowing zat you zee most, how you say- badass- sentient in town.

And knowing zat everyone else knows eet, too!

OK, you got me. I like knowing everyone else is in awe of me.

But of course! After all, how would you feel eef all zee ozzer "Sentient Races" had zeir own Precursor wessel?

A wessel as good as yours! Or BETTER! Haw, haw. Zen, you not be so BEEG anymore. You chust anozzer leedle crater jockey in zee beeg pool of Precursor wessels. Admeet eet! You would HATE zat!

I'm only doing my duty.

Aw! You only doing you duty! Aw! You make me weep zee beeg, beeg tears of tenderness over how you must suffer! Flying around in zee beeg, lonely Precursor wessel weez no ozzer leedle Leaguer in ZEIR own Precursor wessel...

Admeet eet! You would HATE it eef all zee ozzer "Sentient Races" had zeir own Precursor wessel!

That's a lie.

You say so now. But how would you feel eef all zee ozzer "Sentient Races" had zeir own Precursor wessel?

A wessel as good as yours! Or BETTER! Haw, haw. Zen, you not be so BEEG anymore. You chust anozzer leedle crater jockey in zee beeg pool of Precursor wessels. Admeet eet! You would HATE zat!

I would only hate the damage those ships would do in the wrong hands.

Sure, I like being large and in charge, but I don't get off on the fact that everyone else isn't!

Heh. Of course. But you cannot deny zat our destinies are crossed! Interconnected! We can be zee bitter enemies, or zee allies. We could tear zee galactic core apart, or we could have peace togezzer!

Very well, impatient Yu-mon. I offer to end zee war, eef you weel only join weez me. You cannot deny zat our destinies are crossed! Interconnected!

We can be zee bitter enemies, or zee allies. We could tear zee galactic core apart, or we could have peace togezzer!

OK, OK... I do like being the big cheese, and I like to see the others suffer a little bit of envy. So what?

Of course! Of COURSE! And ZAT is why our destinies are connected! Zink of zee POWER from combining forces weez me! Zink of zee TREASURES we could pursue!

OK. You've convinced me. Let's join up.

Join you and be another suffering toady at the bottom of the Crux food chain? No thanks.

Ah, but you would be my equal! You have zee Precursor wessel, and I have zee Precursor wessel. We would be true equals!

OK! Let's do it!

How do I know this isn't some trick to fool me like you fooled the other Crux races?

An excellent question. Ha-ha! You got zee SPUNK! I like zat. Zee fact is zat you would always have you Precursor wessel to keep zee balance of power.

That's a good point.

Not good enough.

Eet eez zee best offer POSSIBLE. Zink of all zee Precursor relics zat go to waste. When we are zee enemies, you get some, and old Plexor gets some. What a waste, when we could share zem ALL!

You bet! Let's do it.

Something tells me you did not do too well in sharing when you were in Ploxis kindergarten. How would we share the artifacts?

How you want? Look, I only want zee relics so I can own everyzing in zee galaxy.

Naw, I'm out of here.

You want zee relics to save zee galaxy. We can do BOTH! Besides, I want zee galaxy saved, too. I have no power eef eet eeze gone!

And let's chust say, zee Daktaklakpak may not be zee best at solving zee problem.

OK. Sign me up!

If I joined, how do I know the Daks won't hide all the good Precursor relics from me?

Why, I'll tell zem not to.

Oh, sure, like they'll do anything you say. I don't know...

Naw. I don't want to join you.

You are INFURIATING, you leedle Erfling! Hee, hee! You drive zee hard bargain. Very well. I shall put you in charge of ALL zee Precursor dig sites. YOU will direct all Precursor findings.

If zee Daks complain, I shall threaten to give zem no more, and let zem leave zee Crux when zey inevitably threaten to go. Not a bad acquisition. A whole League for a few eediotic Daktaklakpak. Zere! How about ZAT?

Great! Let's join forces!

Naw. Bye.

Y'know, that sounds good, but I just can't shake the feeling that I'm being flimflammed.

I make you zee greatest merger offer in zee history of zee galaxy and you compare me to some flimflam Yu-mon? How dare you!

All right! All right! I'll join you.

'Cuz on account of how you just told me that you con all the people who trust you.

Now, getting mad's not gonna get you your way.

OK, OK, sorry.

Let us join forces and enjoy zee service of enemies and allies alike! We can live on zee greatest planets, weez fleets of servants to do our bidding.

No race will dare cross us. No more of zee pesky, spoiled brats for allies. And we could enjoy zee Precursor treasures even more, knowing nobody else can have zem, and everybody else suffers so!

OK. Let's unify!

Hey, how have you avoided making your own race suffer?

Ah, but we have not avoided making our own race suffer! Zee Ploxis race once had eets share of undesirables. But we have culled our own species. Zere are but few Ploxis left. Zat's a sign of our superiority.

I see. You make up your own laws of natural selection. Species collapse is now a sign of superiority. Sure. Right.

Eet eez TRUE natural selection! Like all zee species, our race had zee superior members, called zee Ploxis Plutocrats.

We had zee covert war against zee inferior members, which was so successful zat we were able to completely obliterate zem.

All zee unsightly poor, zee undesirable artists, zee lazy dreamers, zee rebellious malcontents, zee ignorant workers- all gone!

Weez zee genius of zee Ploxis, we used up all zee resources of our homeworld to fuel our desire to conquer! When eet was all gone, we blanketed our homeworld weez industrial wastes, and Poof!

All zee Ploxis who were not superior enough to be in zee Plutocrat's protected bio-habitats all died out!

Zee inky haze in zee once-clear skies, zee gutted wilderness, zee barren fields, zee entire planet bathed in toxic fumes- zee most beautiful sight!

Our K'tang troops destroyed zee insurrection by zee final surviving rebels, and zat was zat! Only zee Plutocrats are left. ZAT is TRUE natural selection.

Balderdash! All you did was gut your own genetic diversity and strength!

Not at all. Zee Ploxis have no underclass to drag around. Imagine zee freedom! All Ploxis are OVERCLASS!

That only works as long as you have Doog slaves! Lose them, and a race of nothing but bosses is in serious trouble.

Zat can never happen!

How did you handle the Clairconctlar and the Harika?

Hey, you never told me about how you handled the Clairconctlar and the Harika.

I weel only tell you about zee Clairconctlar and zee Harika after you join!

OK. I'll join you.

Oh, well. Forget it then.

Sorry, but I just don't get off watching sentients suffer.

I think you're starting to get desperate.

We still can't join you.

Zen do eet for you allies! You weel regain you friends zee Spazzi! And zee Chmmr. We can put zem back togezzer!

OK. I'll join you for the sake of my former allies.

What? You mean the Chmmr are NOT an Eternal One summoning device?

Zee Chmmr NEVER were an Eternal One summoning device. We invented zat tale for you benefit.

We made sure we could take advantage of any leedle zing zat could look suspicious, and blow it up into huge doubt. We can restore zee Chmmr to life... eef you join weez us!

Well... OK. It's a deal.

I'll just have to restore the Chmmr on my own.

EEF you can!

So did you destroy the Supox also?

No. We have no idea what happened to zee Supox. Frankly, zat disturbed us to not know. We chust assumed zat you were careless, and misplaced a race. Now zat we have been honest weez you, you can join us, no?

Well... since you put it that way. It's a deal.

Sorry. No way.

I still refuse.

Zis means I can show you no mercy. You weel become chust anozzer race to crush under zee boot of zee Crux!

I'm sorry. You're right. I'll join you.

That's life in the big galaxy, ain't it?

Boy, you don't handle rejection well, do you?

Not if I crush you first.

I warn you, Erfling! I cannot lose! I am eenveencible.

That's what all the penny-ante dictators say before they take a dive, rat-face.

I'm shakin' in my boots. You don't scare me!

You wanna mix it up? Come on! Let's mix it up!

I'm outta here, pal. May the best sentient win.

No. You do not understand! I cannot lose! I have zee bomb!

What bomb?

So! Zee Erfling eez not so high and mighty now! I speak of zee Eternal One bomb! When we followed zee Rainbow Worlds to zee galactic core, we found zee biggest cache of Precursor artifacts ever!

Zee bomb summons zee Eternal Ones to feast upon zee galaxy! Zee Crux cannot lose, because if we lose, we blow up zee entire galaxy!

You're a lying rat!

You zink I lie? (ptui!) I have been saying zee truz to you more zan you deserve! We HAVE zee bomb zat summons zee Eternal Ones! And we weel control zee stars of zee Kessarri Quadrant and zee galaxy beyond!

And anyzing zee Ploxis cannot control, we weel gladly destroy! We'll see who wins when YOU lose either way!

Now, wait a minute...

I'd like to reconsider joining you.

No, you had you chance. You had to be zee noble sentient! Well, goodbye, noble guy. You have you precious nobility, and I have my bomb. We'll see which more powerful! Goodbye!

Wait! Wait! I changed my mind! I'll join you! I'll join you!

We'll see, all right. Now, get outta here while I let you live!

Why go through all that effort? Let's just settle this now! I'll destroy you this minute!

Sure. OK. Sounds great.

That's good enough for me. Let's join up.

Very good. I zink zat eez a good idea. Let us begin ze process. We shall beam over some eemportant Precursor information to you. Heh heh heh.

Ee, hee, hee, hee, hee!

Are you nuts? I'd sooner gargle ground glass!

Frankly, I'm surprised a scrawny loser like YOU conquered anything.

You don't know the meaning of peace! Now, surrender or die!

You heard me. Surrender or die.

I will NEVER ally with you, you evil slime!

Never, you sickie.

You eel-mannered leedle eediot! I see zat zee Yu-mon did not fall too far from zee tree when he gained sentience! You are still a boorish little monkey!

Weez your foolish insult, you have chust guaranteed a long and bloody war for you and your leedle League! You have chust signed zee death warrant for countless innocents!

And you weel always have to go to you grave knowing you could have prevented eet eef you chust had not been such zee gauche leedle primate! Goodbye.

When next we meet, I shall be gloating over you helpless little monkey carcass!

I demanded you surrender NOW, and you chose not to surrender. So now you DIE, rat-faced butcher!

Your bragging bores me. Put up your scrawny dukes!

You violent leedle eediot! I see zat zee Yu-mon did not fall too far from zee tree when he gained sentience! You are still a vicious leedle monkey!

Weez you barbaric belligerence, you have chust guaranteed a long and bloody war for you and your leedle League! You have chust signed zee death warrant for countless innocents!

And you weel always have to go to you grave knowing you could have prevented eet eef you chust had not been such zee hostile leedle primate!

We weel not geeve you zee satisfaction of zee fight! We are going to warp to zee safe home again. Goodbye. When next we meet, I shall be gloating over you helpless leedle monkey carcass!

You leedle Erfling monster! I gave you a chance and you threw it back in my face! I will destroy you even if I must destroy zee universe!

Calm down. Just because I've wiped out your entire empire is no reason to speak in uncivil tones.

What do you mean, destroy the universe?

I have zee greatest device. Zee Eternal One bomb! It can destroy zee galaxy! Go away, or I'll activate zee device! I mean eet! I got nozzink to lose!

Come on, lose with a little dignity.

Turn over you Precursor wessel to my crew and leave it forever. Or I will blow up zee galaxy!

How do I know you'll keep your word and not blow up the galaxy?

What? You are zee beegest eediot! Why wouldn't I keep my word? Why would I summon zee Eternal Ones after you surrender? Zen I would be dead too! Eediot! Turn over your Precursor wessel now!

How do I know you've even got a bomb that can blow up the galaxy?

You better trust me! Trust me or I summon zee Eternal Ones!

Nope. I don't make deals with terrorists.

No. Surrender or die.

OK. I'm gone. I'll give my ship to your goons.

OK. I surrender.

Zank you for zee wessel! Haw, haw, haw!

What... what... what eez zis?

We are the League of Sentient Races. We have revived you from cryo.

By zee Great Soul Stream! I live! I live! And what miracle is zees? I revive at zee helm of a Ploxis ship! Eet eez as if zee Soul Stream itself had taken a hand! I can now stop zee Plutocrats!

Just what I wanted to hear!

What happened to you?

Zee last zing I remember is fleeing Plodo 7. Zee Ploxis Plutocrats had turned our homeworld paradise into a toxic, strip-mined hell-hole!

Our rebellion had failed, and zee K'tang shock troops were slaughtering us. Some of us chose to die razzer zan flee. But many of us wanted to survive.

As zee Plutocrats' Precursor wessel closed in on us, we put ourselves into cryogenic suspension pods to mask our life signs from sensors, and launched zee pods into QuasiSpace, not knowing if we would ever emerge again. But we are back!

How were you able get into Quasi-Space?

Toward zee end of zee rebellion, we noticed mysterious beings flitting in and out of TrueSpace. Our scientists queekly learned to follow zeese beings into zee alternate dimensions, and soon we knew how to enter QuasiSpace.

Those are some pretty brilliant scientists.

Before zee Plutocrats stopped all funding for non-military science, zee Ploxis had zee greatest academies of science in zee quadrant!

How did the Plutocrats get the power to do that?

We did not understand zee dangers zee Plutocrats posed until eet was too late. You see, zee ancient Ploxis covenant bestows great freedom on all zee Ploxis.

Where ozzer races repressed zose who challenged zee orthodoxy of zee day, we celebrated our maverick zinkers and encouraged our nonconformist artists.

And so we reaped zee greatest of rewards in culture and learning. Ozzer starfaring races offered us great resources and services for even a small share of our scientific knowledge.

But zis vast and effortless wealth proved zee downfall of zee Ploxis! Some of us became greedy, and sought to control all zee wealth our education had generated.

What's wrong with that?

Go on.

Zeese Plutocrats were not content to be fabulously wealthy. Zey wanted zee rest of us to be destitute! We respected and celebrated zee Plutocrats as if zey were any ozzer kind of zinker.

But zey were NOT any ozzer kind of zinker, and zey did not respect us back.

Instead, zee Plutocrats tried to force zee rigid hierarchy of status upon our civilization, making some of us winners and all zee rest losers- even in zee midst of zee greatest abundance in zee galactic quadrant!

We did not see zee danger zey represented, even when zey destabilized our civilization, and pitted us against one anozzer while zey retreated behind the walls of zeir biodomes.

You fell for a cheap trick like that?

Alas, it was a compelling vision- to rise above all ozzers weezout zee accomplishment to deserve zee position! To live in exclusive areas sealed off from zee natural world- and sealed off from zee rest of us.

Enough of us fell for zee allure of zeir plot for long enough to destabilize our culture and adulterate zee biospheres of our worlds. Zen zee Plutocrats brought in zee K'tang- zey said to restore order!

But zee K'tang became an occupying army, which enforced zeir insane orders to destroy us and decimate zee biospheres of our planets!

What did you do?

We resisted. We rebelled! Most of our great scholars refused to work for zee Plutocrats. Zee great scientists instead created devices to stop zee K'tang, and zee great zinkers created masterful strategies zat stopped zee bumbling K'tang cold!

Sounds great. So how did you lose?

We had almost won our worlds back, when zee Plutocrats made a devil's pact weez zee Daktaklakpak. Zose insane machines gave zee Plutocrats a Precursor wessel in return for zee collected lore of zee Ploxis zinkers.

Under zat onslaught, we had no choice but to flee into QuasiSpace, and pray zat one precious day a compassionate race would find us and know how to restore us. And so you have!

Great! Ready to kick some Plox- er, PLUTOCRAT butt?

Yes! We weel do anyzing to help you defeat zee Plutocrats! Zen one day perhaps we can comb QuasiSpace for the rest of the lost colonies of Ploxis.

Sounds great! Battle stations, Ploxis Rebels!

Hail, Captain of zee League of Sentient Races! We salute zee sentient being who restored us to zee life!

Hi guys. Keep up the good work. Bye.

Ploxis Rebels! We can stop the Eternal Ones by donating sentience that we collect in a non-harmful manner. May we have a donation of sentience energy?

Since zere are so few of us, I doubt zat you would gain much from our sentience, but we are honored to contribute to zee cause!