Desist all functioning! Identificate yourself imminently!

We're humans from Earth, of the League of Sentient Races. We come in peace. How may we classify you, fellow sentient?

We are the K'tang Kaktorri! Undisputified masters of the Hegemonic Crux! Conquerifier of all inferior life forms! Supreme, non-vincible tyrants over all quadrants of the galaxy!

Nice to meet you, too. We'd like to pursue a course of peaceful relations.

K'tang will only answer when it suits our ulferior motives.

Scrap the hostile attitude, bub, or eat hot missile fire!

Warning! Warning! Initiate hostility mode! Imminent violence in immediate commencement!

Wake up on the wrong side of the grease rack this morning?

Alert! Alert! Initiate mistrustification mode! Imminent violence suspecticated!

Naw, that's just our little way of being friendly.

That form of frendlification is not currently acknowledged in the K'tang Inferior Species Interaction Library. Identificate yourselves contiguously!

Imminent violence? Good idea. I'm sick of talking to you already.

Let's not fight. There's so much we can learn from one another.

Learn? Learn? K'tang require NO information from INFERIOR species. Now identificate yourself imminently!

So what can you tell me about the Hegemonic Crux?

The Hegemonic Crux are the undispuke-ed masters of our home quadrant, the quadrant called... the Hegemonic Crux quadrant!

Gee, what a unique name for a quadrant. Did you think it up all by yourself?

Yes. I mean... no! I mean... Foolish humans! We changed the name of our quadrant to the Hegemonic Crux Quadrant AFTER we conquered it!

Well, your conquering days are over! Prepare to eat hot coherent light!

That was a joke, stupid.

Well, enough about you. Let's talk about something else.

What a coincidence! Imagine the odds of being born in a quadrant with the same name as your group!

Fool! We changed the name of our quadrant to the Hegemonic Crux Quadrant AFTER we conquered it!

So where is your homeworld?

Ha! Do not attempt to deceive the K'tang! We are too intellectified for you! We will never revulge the coordinates for our Kessarri Quadrant homeworld!

Oh, come on. Tell.

No.

Who else is in the Crux?

So who are the Crux races?

So what are the names of the Crux races?

Since we added the Harika, there are six Crux races total. Let's see. The Harika, I just mentionified. The Daktaklakpak, the, um, Clairconctlar, the Ploxis, the Doogs, and... uh... let's see, that's, uh, five races... um... now who am I disremembering?

Couldn't be any actually important race.

Indeed. Must be one of the inconsiquent-nificant races.

They'd have to be pretty lame bunch of losers to be forgotten so easily.

Agreeification to that. Heh. LOSERS. Like Clairconctlar! The most loser... um, uh, the most loser-ified of all!

Uh... gee, I dunno who you forgot. No idea. Sorry.

Doesn't matter. Must be one of the inconsequent-nificant races. I'm probably disremembering one of the STUPID races, like the Doog. Heh. Stupid Doogs.

YOU! You forgot your own damn selves, you dolt!

DOLT? What is the signification of this "dolt?"

Er... it's short for 'incredibly impressive, big, tough, conquering guy.'

Hmpf. K'tang are in full awarements of that. The K'tang are the greatest dolts in the quadrant.

You guys are really limited in the brain power department, aren't you?

Well, enough about you. Let's talk about something besides the Crux.

So tell me about those races.

So tell me about these other Crux races.

Ha! The stupid human thinks he can trick the K'tang with clever attempts to rivulge classified secrets of the Crux races. K'tang are much more intellectified than stupid human! Much more intellectified than stupid Crux races!

You're too sharp for me.

Yes! K'tang are greatest at, um, sharp. Sharpitude.

Too much sharpitude for me. I'll see you later.

Yeah? How stupid are the Crux races?

So how stupid are the other Crux races that you have to put up with?

Very stupid! Uh, which Crux race are you referraling to? Crux races are stupid in different ways.

How stupid are the Daktaklakpak?

Stupid and STRANGE. Dakpack-rackpack are STRANGE beings, with machines for brains. Or brains for machines. I derecollect. But they are useful, so we do not crushify them!

Dakpack-backpak concoct-icate Precursor technography for K'tang conquests! The best planet demolishifcation bombs! Ship piercing missiles! Torture devices! Dakpak- uh, Dakrak- uh, URRR! You CAN'T call them Daks.

If you call them Daks they get all enrage-ified. They make the great K'tang have to beg and plead to get new weapons. We hate that! We hate the Daktakrakrak! They must be punished!

They make you beg? Do they try to use their smarts to push you around?

NO ONE IS SMARTER THAN K'TANG!

Appears I have touched a weak spot.

Aargh! K'TANG HAVE NO WEAK SPOT!

Sounds like your weak spot is your fear of a weak spot.

WARNING! ALIEN SEEKING WEAK SPOT! DESTROY ALIEN!

Why don't you "concocticate" the technology, then?

Why don't you invent technology, then?

Too busy. Too busy with important matters of consequentification. Besides, science is for weird, weak, puny beings, not great, important, power-mongerful beings like the K'tang.

Y'know, that very attitude kept humans out of space for decades.

Uh, really? Huh...Never thought of that...

Where's the Daktaklakpak homeworld?

Haw! That is Crux secret! All puny races would like to dislocover the great crush of Precursor technography on the Dakpack-snackpack homeworld! But we will give you no datafication about it!

What are the Daktaklakpak doing with all that Precursor tech?

Using it to make weapons for the conquestifications of the mighty K'tang! That's all that Precursor technography is good for!

Sounds like the Daktaklakpak are the brains of the Crux.

Jeepers. Sorry, pal. OK. You're the brains of the outfit.

Humans finally begin to appreciatify the K'tang greatness.

How stupid are the Ploxis?

Huh. Ploxis are small, scrawny beings. Petty schemers who are too weak and puny to fight on the front lines, like the mighty-thewed K'tang!

I dunno how mighty those thews are. All's I can see is armor.

K'tang are mighty! Rippling muscular-atures! Never doubt K'tang mightifications!

So what good are these Ploxis to the Crux?

OK, OK. So what good are these Ploxis to the Crux?

They are mere data pros-tutors. Glorified accountlings! We give them all the resources we conquer, so they can keep track of it for us. They decide how we should spend it, plan our stratefications for us, and tell us where to go for more conquering!

I'll tell you where to go for free!

The mighty K'tang already have it all mapped out.

Ha! Sucker! That makes them the boss! What a moron!

How come you keep misusing big words?

You don't know what a DOLT is? What an idiot!

It means moron! Jerk! Troglodyte! Loser! Numskull! Anti-matter-for-brains. Stupid idiot!

You'd have to be pretty STUPID not to know what a dolt is.

DONT! EVER! CALL! K'TANG! STUPID! We will demolishify you and crushificate all your worlds! Prepare for obliterification, squishy alien!

So in other words they tell you where to go and what to do and take all your riches.

Yes. NO! Hmmm.... Wait! Are you insinu-labeling that the Ploxis are the bosses of the mighty K'tang?

Oh no! You guys are clearly in charge. Honest. Really. Fer shur. You da man.

Naw. Nobody could trick you guys that way. You guys are just too smart.

That is right. The Ploxis are only important because the K'tang are in ally-ment with them. We are too busy crushifying planets to count up the resourcifications.

The Ploxis keep track of all the K'tang equip-ture, and disperse it deficiently. They would be nothing without the mighty K'tang! Or without their Precursing vessel.

They have a Precursor vessel?

The Crux Precursing vessel is great and powerified! We only let the Ploxis fly it because we are plenty powerified enough in our own K'tang Cripplers!

Where is this Precursor vessel?

When it's not extruding Crux ships into Kessarri star systems, it stays at our secret- wait! You are attempting to decepticate the K'tang into revulging secrets! Desist all further inquirements about the Precursing vessel!

Where's the Ploxis homeworld?

Hoo hoo hoo! You think you can trick the K'tang and learn our innerside secrets? You think you are clever enough to trick us and find the Ploxis homeworld?

We have hidden it too well for that, at the farthest middle of the galaxy, at the end of Crux space!

It's obvious! They're playing you guys for suckers!

How stupid are the Doogs?

Hah! Pathetic and stupid! The Doogs have to do all the hard work, and the K'tang get the most valuified of everything they build! Because they are too stupid!

K'tang attacked the Doogs in the Crux quadrant, and then the Ploxis invented a trick to forcify them to join up!

I can see that it's mutual respect that holds the Crux together.

Fuh! Doogs are not worthy of respectification! They are stupid! And dumb, too!

Well, I can see that brains are a prized commodity in the Crux.

Yes. It is true. Only the smart rule in the Hegemonic Crux.

Boy is that ever clear.

Are you saying K'tang are not clever?

Naw. Not me. You guys are VERY clever!

Come on! You guys tried to take credit for something you don't even understand!

Harumph!

What a bunch of morons!

Where is the Doog homeworld?

Stupid Doogs have no homeworld. They are too stupid to have a homeworld! Haw haw! We make them do all the laborifications to make all other Crux worlds, but we don't let them have a homeworld of their own! Haw haw.

And we don't let them have any Doog leaders of their own. So why do they need a homeworld?

What's the trick?

The trick is a clever K'tang arrangement!

OK. What's the arrangement?

Um, I desremember. Some Ploxis thing.

So it wasn't a clever K'tang arrangement after all!

How stupid are the Harika?

They are a scary, Kessarri quadrant race with huge jaws! They crushified the Crux badly when we first arrived in the Kessarri quadrant. But we finally forced them to enrollify in the Crux.

Heh. All their planets are now full of- wait! Are you trying to get me to revulge Crux secrets? Ask about something else!

I have a non-Crux question.

What is your species like?

K'tang are mighty warriors who defeatified all the races we have ever met. We will defeatify all other races that get in our way!

K'tang rule the Crux, and the Crux rules the Crux quadrant, and now the Kessarri quadrant and then the galaxy! So the K'tang are the most important and all the others... are not!

I have a question on a different subject.

Tell us about your history and origins.

No. Never. You seek to gleem Crux secrets with your deceptifications!

What do you look like under all that power armor?

K'tang are huge and mighty-thewed creatures that could crushify your neck like a splinter! But we will not tell you any more about that.

Tell us about your impressive-looking ship.

The K'tang Crippler is the most stupendified ship in the quadrant! Powerful ion blasts emulate from the front of the- wait! You are not clearified for such informations!

Why are you such a belligerent butt-head?

K'tang will belligerate ALL puny species. All species are weaker than K'tang, and all weak, puny species deserve belligerafi- bellig- ah... death!

What are you doing in the Kessarri Quadrant?

We conquerify the Kessarri quadrant and force races like the Harika to work for us! We make them be our slaves! We obliterify any race that isn't in comply-ment with our demands! We take all the Precursor treasures for weapons!

The League of Sentient Races opposes slavery.

So? We have no concernment about your League of Sentiment races!

So if we catch you enslaving anyone, we'll stop you.

Do not get in the way of the mighty Crux as we subduify the Kessarri Quadrant!

We'll stop you cold before you do!

Why don't we stop wasting each other's time and begin trading missile fire.

What do you know about the Precursors?

They were the great ones, true grand-cestors of the K'tang! It is our destiny to inheretic all their artifacts!

What a fat load of hooey!

How do you know they are your, um, grand-cestors?

Daktaksakpak said so. All Precursor technography belongs to the great K'tang! If you find any Precursor artifactuals, we must compound them from you!

Uh, sure. Have you found any?

Have you found much Precursor tech?

This quadrant is loaded with them! They're everywhere. If you find some, Crux law says contract the K'tang immediately.

How can we contact you if we don't know where to find your homeworld?

Hmmm... Dillemification. Give them to the Daktakrakrak.

Thanks. We'll keep an eye out for those Precursor artifacts. Now I have another question.

Ha ha! Boy are you guys gullible!

Why do you want it?

Ploxis said so. Something about Daktak-tie-rak can use it to make bigger guns for the great K'tang! Besides, it's our birthrife!

No dice. Finders keepers! You give us yours!

What do you know about the Eternal Ones?

Daktakmaktak say they are dangerous, but also great. We are stopping them from breaking the galaxy. Or else we'll find a new galaxy.

I offer you membership in the League of Sentient Races.

Hah! Your League of Sentiment Races is as a flea before the might of the Crux! We are the true masters of the Kessarri quadrant! If you challenge us, you shall be smushed forever!

Oh yeah? You wanna mix it up? Let's go, bucket head!

We are trying to save the galaxy. Will you help us?

Crux is better at saving the galaxy! Crux is better at everything!

Yeah, right. Sure. Smushed. I'm like, just so terrified.

It is proper that you quibble with terrification at the sight of the mighty K'tang!

Y'know. I'm not even going to take that bait. I've got questions for you.

I can see that you will need a sound beating every time we see you. En garde. That means put up your dukes, stupid.

We have no immediate need to eradicate you, so we'll just leave now. Keep your nose clean, K'tang-o.

Goodbye.

Remember! You only existify as long as the K'tang do not come to the occlusion to liquidate your atoms!

I should have known. So who are your allies in the Crux?

The Hegemonic Crux insists of six races! The rest are just for support and to build our innerstructure... er, our interstructure... er, our infer... ah, our buildings. But the only important race is the K'tang!

Yeah, yeah, of course. Anyone can see that. So tell us about these races.

Well, ah, that's not what I hear from THEM.

Do they know you bad-mouth them behind their backs?

What? What? What do they say?

Oh, nothin.

Er, I can't repeat it in public.

Nothing. I'm deliberately pulling your leg.

Harumph. You lie. Attempt to decepticate!

Ah, let's see... they say you are a bunch of stupid dolts.

Them's fightin' words, rust-bucket!

We'll just classify you as "Hostile idiots we'll have to eventually pulverize."

DONT! EVER! CALL! K'TANG! STUPID!

Wow. Impressive. So then I guess you becoming our eternal slaves is out of the question?

We detect hostile intents emergifying from your communification! Clearify your intentifications innimimimently or suffer swift and immediate reprisings!

Tyrants over ALL galactic quadrants? No kidding. Funny that we never even HEARD of you in our home quadrant.

That is only because our stellar startography charts do not yet call for the subduification of your non-significant home quadrant, you insect!

Oh really? And just when DO your "startography" charts call for this... "subduification?"

So! You think you can TRICK the K'tang with your decepticative intempt to gleem classified Crux secrets, do you? Ha ha ha! We LAUGH at you, human, for thinking you can out-mentify the K'tang super-geniuses!

We would NEVER tell you that your home quadrant is the very NEXT quadrant catalogued for subduification after the Kessarri quadrant falls to the mighty Crux!

We'll crush you before you get CLOSE to Earth's quadrant, you rusty pile of bolts!

We'll crush you the second you cross into our home quadrant, you amoeba!

I'm sick of your posturing! I think I'll crush you right now, pal!

We seek peace with all races that agree to be peaceful.

The League is dedicated to peace, but we do defend ourselves.

Like I said, we come in peace.

Hah! Peace! Peace is for weak races! We prefer not to crushify you now because it's not yet tactfully advan-tiguous to the mighty K'tang!

As long as you stay away from Crux planets and do not extrude into Crux colonizing, you will continue to existify! But we will not hesitate to obliterify you if it becomes tactifically significated.

In a pig's eye! We could "obliterify" you with our main weapon tied behind our backs!

Be sure to inform us BEFORE that occurs, OK?

Certainly. I mean... er... wait a chrono-unit. If we tell the human when our invasionification plan calls for his obliterification, then... then... um... er... he would KNOW... um... IGNORIFY WHAT I SAID!

Don't strain your brain trying to figure it out. You're way too dim.

Aw, that's swell of you. Is it "tactically advantiguous" to answer our questions?

What say we dispense with the pleasantries and just start shooting at each other?

Hey, we're even friendly toward braggarts, bullies, buffoons, and blowhards.

Relax Charlie. No one wants to take a can opener to that power armor and peel you like a crawfish.

Hrumph. Uh... very well. Your modified behaviorifications are now properly acceptified to the K'tang. You shall continue to existify.

We'll "existify" no matter what you do, you clanking scrap heap!

Gosh, thanks. Since you're in such a good mood, maybe you'll answer some questions.

We're glad to modify our behavior to appease you.

That is acceptable. It is proper that you inferior life forms learn your place.

This first contact is not going very well. Can we start over?

Uh... K'tang Kaktorri unclarified on concepts of this restartification... However, we are in consentification. For now.

Oh, I bet there's LOTS of concepts you're unclear on.

Our "intentifications" are to blast your ugly ship from the spacelanes!

So! The murder-ifyer returns to the scene of the crime! Attention aliens: Stop transcrushifying the universe! Stop the stellar devilstation!

Attention aliens again: You must now relinquishify all colonies and leave the universe. No, um, wait... Leave the Kessarri Quadrant!

We didn't do anything wrong! We're trying to fix the problem!

You think K'tang STUPID? Anyone can see that the problems began after you got here! SO you MUST be breakifying the stars!

You seem to have a problem understanding rudimentary causality.

Rude-temerity causticality? What is that? Your evil star-breaking technography?

OK. We'll leave the Kessarri quadrant.

Never mind. We're not leaving.

Get out of my face now, K'tang!

Goodbye!

Puny human! Your audasterdly has cost you your life! This means WAR!

Puny League of Sentiment Races! The mighty-thewed K'tang will obliterify you from the universe!

You'll TRY, lead-head!

Wait! We have something to talk about with you!

More of your human tricks and deceptification?

No. Just plain old missiles!

No. This is for real. We want to talk about some serious stuff.

Your concerns are not significa-ment to the K'tang!

But you are so mighty, we just had to talk to you.

Hah! Mighty enough to crushify you!

I think I'll just pound you, now.

Goodbye, K'tang.

What is the Xchaggers Plague? What's the Microbial war?

Hah! Big diseasement! K'tang got the plague germs from a floating disease pod. A huge monster that commands the scary, infectified pod. A hideous, monstrous creature, bigger even than the mighty-thewed K'tang.

The Daktakhaksak made it into a Harika-killing plague. But it was our idea. We saw the pod first, and said it looked scarifying!

Where's the pod?

Saw them on some old Zosma planet. Six, I think.

What is the Clairconctlar shame?

The Clairconculs do everything their queen said. So we capture-ated their big mountain queen. The Daktakclakclak mind-controlled the Queen into telling the Clairconctlar to obey the Crux.

We got her onto Warp Station: Klashkog before the mind-control could wear off. That was hard! Many K'tang were crushified before we finished! We have tried to demolish her, but so far, no good.

Can this informents help you get the Clairconculs out of the Crux?

It will if you tell me where Warp Station: Klashkog is.

It's in the- never! You are trying to excover K'tang secrets!

How can I help get the Clairconctlar out without this information?

Just do it, alien!

How stupid are the Clairconctlar?

Bluh! The most stupid! Clairconkels only think they are great warriors! But it is WE who are the great warriors of the Crux! The Clairconctuls are unnecessary! Second fiddlers! Third-raters! Fourth flushers!

Crux does not need them! We need to get rid of them!

Why do you hate them so much?

K'tang should be only military wing of Crux! Not fair! Clairconctuls get all the glorification! And they pretendify that they don't even want the glorification! Humph. Always saying that they act with honorification! Blah! Sickening!

Honor sickens you?

Yuck! Sickens us to our thoraxes. Regurgifications! Honor cannot entertainify you with the lamentifications of obligirated enemies! Honor is worth nothing except pretendifying to be all SUPERIORIFIED to everyone else, like OTHER Crux races!

You're not dishonorable, are you?

K'tang are the MOST dishonorable! Honor is for fragile little creatures that are afraid others will squashify them like larva! So they say 'please be honorable and don't squashify my little soggy self!' We hate that! Honor! Blech! Regurgification!

Where is the Clairconctlar homeworld?

We won't revulge any such secrets! Besides, the Clairconculs don't have a homeworld. Just a big mountain- wait! You are trying to get me to revulge secrets again? Stupid human! Ask a different question!

So you'd be happy if they left the Crux?

Happification! Celebration days!

Well, I hope for your sake that they leave the Crux and soon.

Well, maybe we could help you there.

Hey, how much would you pay us if we could get 'em to leave you?

Misfortunately, the Clairconkuls are permeate-ly in the Crux. Because of some Ploxis cleverments, they are edebted for all internity to the Ploxis, and can NEVER LEAVE!

Never say never. What's it worth to ya for them to leave the Crux?

Much! Our gratifications and gratefulments.

Done. We'll get right on it. Can we count on you to help us release the Clairconctlar?

We solemnly agreeify to your deal.

I'll think about it.

We would be full of gratefulments.

Inferior? Inferior? What's this "inferior" stuff?

All races are inferior to the K'tang! Now identificate yourselves imminently or face obliterification!

Not if I obliterate you first!

OK. We are humans from Earth, of the League of Sentient Races. We come in peace. How may we identificate YOU, fellow sentient?

Uh, wouldn't that be providing you with information?

Uh... urr. You must give us information whether we require it or not! Now identificate yourselves imminently or face obliterification!

Desist all functioning! Indentificate your- wait! You are already a classificationed species. Are you ready to surrender to the mighty K'tang?

No. We just want to leave. Goodbye.

No. Not just yet.

We will never surrender to you!

Are YOU ready to surrender to US?

ALIEN FROM SENTIMENT RACES SUSPECTICATED OF DANGER!

You guys catch on fast. I'm going to pound you!

Sorry to startle you. We do not mean you harm.

Calm down. We're not going to attack you. For now.

No. We have other things to talk about.

Look who it is! It is the STUPID one! From the STUPID League of Sentiment Races! You will fall before the superior intellect of the mighty K'tang!

We sure are stupid compared to the K'tang geniuses!

Hah! The puny human cringes in his Precursing vessel! Now is the time for the K'tang to attack the weak and wriggling creature!

Sorry about calling you stupid.

You'd better be sorry.

Oh we're sorry, all right. Sorry we ever met you!

Now that we've cleared that up, we have some questions.

Yeah, yeah. We keep hearing all about how smart you are. But we don't see much proof.

You're so right. How could we EVER have called you stupid?

Yes. You'd have to be STUPID to say that.

What a stupid thing to say!

Oh really? I bet you speak the language of violence as well as you speak the language of... language.

Hah! You are right about that, fragile, little, wiggly creature! So you see that you had better identificate yourself now!

We are humans from Earth, of the League of Sentient Races. We come in peace. How may we identificate YOU, fellow sentient?

That was an INSULT, not a COMPLIMENT!

Hostile and inferior Human from the League of Sentiment Races! You face obliterification from the mighty K'tang!

You guys are no smarter than last time, are you?

We seek peace, mighty K'tang.

Not if we obliterate you first!

Look who it is! It is the STUPID one! From the STUPID League of Sentiment Races! Your League is like an insect before the might of the Crux!

The Crux are the true masters of the Kessarri quadrant! If you challenge us, you will be obligerated forever!

We're sorry for offending you. Can we arrange a truce and peaceful relations?

Hey, hey, hey! You take back that "inferior" crack or I'll blow you to scrap metal.

Never mind. I have some questions for you.

I have some questions for you.

Please don't attack us!

Hey, we're sorry for blowing up your ships last time.

Back off, buddy.

You want a fight? You got it!

Well, think about it, you moron.

Look, I can see we are destined to have to wipe you out, so let's drop the pleasantries and get right to it, OK?

I've got a different question for you.

OK. Fine. Gotta run now. Goodbye, K'tang.

That was a JOKE, you moron!

That's it! I've had just about enough of you! You're dead!

Oh, yeah. You bet. Now I have some more questions.

Thanks for the sparkling repartee, but it's time for me to be on my way.

We have no conversifications for you! We obligitorate you NOW!

How can we help you get rid of Clairconctlar?

We do not know.

You try to decepticate the mighty K'tang.

Warning! Warning! Initiate hostility mode! Imminent violence in immediate commencement!

Warning! Warning! Initiate hostility mode! Imminent violence in immediate commencement!

Warning! Warning! Initiate hostility mode! Imminent violence in immediate commencement!

Hostile and inferior Human from the League of Sentiment Races! You face obliterification from the mighty K'tang!

Alert! Alert! Initiate mistrustification mode! Imminent violence suspecticated!