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Mr. T

Your efforts to resist us are futile.

Ok... those of you who were around the internet in the late 90s may well remember the "Mr. T vs everything!" craze that was doing the rounds at the time. For those of you who haven't heard of it, there's a page at Know Your Meme that explains it pretty well.

Anyway, at its peak there were several hundred sites out there pitting Mr. T against just about anyone, and Star Control was no exception, with "Mr. T vs the Kohr-Ah" appearing online around 2000 before disappearing from the web again in 2002.

But now, after 20 years, and despite my better judgement, it's back for historical value!

Note: The images used here are the originals, from a different era when 1024x768 was considered high resolution. They therefore may not scale particularly well on modern displays.

So without further ado, let the story begin...

In the year 2259, the Doctrinal War between the Kzer-Za and the Kohr-Ah comes to an end... with dire consequences for the galaxy...

The Kohr-Ah start cleansing all sentient life in the galaxy!

Meanwhile, aboard the Earth Starbase...

Starbase Commander Hayes hears the bad news.

Unfortunately, the Captain is... er.. otherwise engaged.

Commander Hayes is not impressed...

Commander Hayes asks the Chmmr for advice.

I think that's Chmmr-speak for 'Someone helluva tough!'

Of course, the individual the Chmmr transport is the one and only Mr T! Commander Hayes asks him for help in defeating the Kohr-Ah.

Commander Hayes gives an infallible reason why T should help...

Uh oh... the Kohr-Ah are threatening youth centres? BIG mistake..

Commander Hayes puts all the resources of the Earth Starbase at the disposal of Mr T.

Who needs a Precursor Flagship when you have a 1982 custom GMC van?

And so, Mr T leaves the Starbase in search of allies to help him against the Kohr-Ah.

The van speeds through Hyperspace as Mr T searches for other races..

And soon, Mr T encounters many strange other races...

Before long, Mr-T encounters many strange, alien species. Firstly, the Orz...

Secondly, the Mycon... no help there.

Next up, Mr T encounters the Thraddash.

T's next encounter is with the Utwig... who seem to be having a problem.

Luckily, there just happens to be a set of tools lying around for Mr-T to use...

And soon, the Ultron is repaired.

But why would Mr T bother fixing the Ultron? Looks like he has a plan...

Before long, Mr T has put together a mighty fleet of ships to take on the Kohr-Ah!

And soon, the fleet is approaching Kohr-Ah space!

Our hero is not impressed by Kohr-Ah threats..

The Kohr-Ah seem to think they are tougher than Mr T...

The Kohr-Ah launch an all-out attack!

Go on, guess the next line...

The Kohr-Ah are very worried by the toughness of T..

The Kohr-Ah invincible precursor battle platform arrives!

The Sa-Matra attempts to wipe out T once and for all!

Mr T decides on a new plan. Luckily, there is a lot of junk from wrecked ships lying about...

Mr T sets to work on the junk...

... and within a few minutes has managed to knock up a mega anti-matter bomb with crystal enhancement.

(OK, so it's a SC3 chmmr. I don't have any pictures of the REAL bomb)

Mr T makes good use of his new toy...

...and soon, the Sa-Matra is destroyed in a massive fireball!

Of course, the mighty van outruns the blast wave...

The Kohr-Ah Priamat is now totally defenseless, as Mr-T boards its ship...

Looks like the Kohr-Ah will be going helluva far...

Looks like the Kohr-Ah have been defeated.

And so, Mr-T returns in triumph to the Starbase...

Commander Hayes doesn't seem to have moved since T left...

However, any questions about why Hayes doesn't move are quickly forgotten as the 'special gold' arrives...

THE END

Page created by Tsing.
Layout inspired by Star Control 2.